Janeway Q – Gloom the final frontier

Preamble:

Janeway – Captain’s Personal Log
Stardate 04.06.22Having meandered somewhat aimlessly but with some intentionality for 8 months in the far-flung Dawson Quadrant of the F3 Alpha Region, Dawson Sub-region Command finally was able to begin getting messages through to the Voyager a number of weeks ago. The challenges of exploring strange, new worlds of unknown territories in physical fitness, training, and building foundations of relationships with the crew gave plenty of plausible rationale to state Voyager was having technical glitches with the comm channel whenever Command issued directives to take the “Q” (no, not that “Q” who always pesters Picard, rather a Q of a much more menacing and demanding kind, the likes of which I’ve never encountered before).But once I received from Command ranking of Weasel Shaker and was incorporated into the broader command structure, I could no longer ignore the kind but incessant pleas from Starfleet Command to Q the crew (even some of the crew began complaining). The comm channel was eerily quiet early Stardate 04.05.02 and I began to have high hopes the crew may abandon ship or take shore leave the next day, thus negating the need for me to face the Q, but alas the late morning HC of an Admiral (@Tigger) coming from Anderson, SC specifically to inspect my taking on the Q extinguished my hopes of escaping it’s gravitational pull; my course was reset to enter the nebula of the Q in hopes of discovering butter pecan coffee on the other side.As I worked through the day, I listened to the varieties of thematic music which has defined Starfleet over the centuries of our existence, hoping to find some inspiration (because I truly had nothing but empty brainlessness about how to face the Q). By 1700 I had settled on the anthem associated with our own starship, the Voyager, followed by most of the theme music and score associated with the Kelvin timeline’s Star Trek 2: Abram’s Remake of the Wrath of Khan. At 2200 I finally entered my ready room, considered what kind of flow might overcome the Q, and listened to and ordered the musical score to flow from starting thematically, to calming background score, to fast and furious, back to calming, back to fast and furious, back to calming, then ending with the classic theme score always associated with our Trek. Run time: 43 minutes; perfect.Next, I opened Body by Starfleet: A Fitness Guide (yes, it’s a thing) to determine what actions would be taken to overcome the Q. It took until 0100 04.06.22, but inspiration finally came and I was able to match the sound track with the coordinated exercises the crew would need to undertake to help me overcome this Q.I arose 3 hours later at 0400 on 04.06.22 to don my uniform (black with red shirt and comm badge) and remind myself of the strategy to overcome the Q, as most of the exercises I and the crew needed to undertake were either new or using Delta Quadrant names unfamiliar with my Alpha Quadrant crew. I arrived at Starbase at 0510 and by 0530 was joined by Seven other valiant crew appearing from within the nebous, misty gloom. The music score began to flow and together we faced and overcame the Q with the following maneuvers:

Warm-O-Rama:

Minute 00:00 First, I issued a hearty welcome and a disclaimer that all complaints should be directed to Starfleet Command.I followed with a quote from the legendary Captain Pike (substituting the code name “F3” for Starfleet): “Captain Christopher Pike once said, ‘F3 is a promise. And as a member of F3, posting is your first step toward fulfilling a promise you can make to yourself: to embark on a mission to live your healthiest life.'” I then quizzed the crew as to the purpose of F3. After some mumbling, the Admiral finally coached us into stating “growing workout groups for invigoration of male community leadership.” I closed the intro with a quote attributed to Janeway, “In a part of space where there are few rules, it’s more important than ever that we hold fast to our own. In a region where shifting allegiances are commonplace, we have to have something stable to rely upon. And we do. The principles and ideals of F3. As far as I am concerned, those are the best allies we could have.”I then challenged the crew to name, in order, the first of the 5 pillars of an F3 workout. One quickly blurted out “Free of Charge!” (to which I almost responded, “Today, you get what you paid for.”)03:00 With that, we prepared for overcoming the Q by warming up with:– 5 reps of Troi Active Listeners (lift head up, lower head to chest, lift head and look to left, rotate head 180 degrees to look to right, center head, tilt head left, tilt head right– 5 reps of Planetary Orbiters (legs slightly spread, hands on hips, bend waist to right as far as possible, slowly rotate torso with head toward ground to where you are bending waist to left as far as possible, return to Starfleet Straight (standing at attention).– 5 reps of Gorn Walks (stand at attention; take step forward with right leg; lift left leg as high as possible while reaching with right arm to touch toes of left leg; return to Starfleet Straight. Repeat, starting with opposite leg.– 5 reps Riker Leg Extensions (in honor of his ability to straddle any command chair): hand and knees on ground, back straight; lift right leg as high as possible, hold 10 seconds, lower leg. Repeat using left leg.– 5 reps Repulsor Bursts (high plank to low plank, hold for 10 seconds, return to high plank; repeat)

The Thang:

8:00 – [the music changes from calm to epic] – 5 minutes of medium-fast run three times around the long track as a group. During the run, I challenged the crew to name the second pillar of an F3 workout. “Open to all men!” was quickly called out. We did some Michael Phelps while we waited for the Sixes to arrive.13:00 The battle truly begins, and we begin to take down the Q by:– 20 Jeffries Tube Climbers (known as “Mountain Climbers” in the Alpha Quadrant) called in cadence by one of the crew– 20 Full Thruster Jumps (known as “Burpees” in the Alpha Quadrant)– RED ALERT! Jumps (led by Admiral Tigger from the USS Electric City from the Anderson, SC region): ALL THIS NON-STOP WITH EXTREME URGENCY: 10 High Arm Side Straddle Hops, 10 Mid-Arm Side Straddle Hops, 10 Low-Arm Side Straddle Hops, 10 Hops (arms down at side). Continue without stopping the sequence with 9, then 8, then 7… down to 1 hop. That’s 217 variants of SSH without stopping and the crew themselves providing the wailing of the Red Alert klaxon through the crisis.– 5 Air Lock Launchers (similar to the Alpha Quadrant’s “Superman” but with arms along side of body toward legs since that was the position reboot Kirk and Khan had to assume to be jettisoned from the Enterprise through the debris field to the USS Vengeance. Laying on the torso, raise legs and head as high as possible and hold 10 seconds; release and repeat.– 10 Wesley Crunchers (similar to the Alpha Quadrant’s “LBCs” but at a more deliberate pace, and more about being on your back and lifting your upper body into a 45 degree angle and holding 10 seconds; release and repeat28:00 We’re wearing down in the holodeck and so must go on another medium run two times around the long track. During the run, I challenged the crew to name the third pillar of an F3 workout. “Outdoors, rain or shine, heat or cold!” was quickly called out. We did some Michael Phelps while we waited for the Sixes to arrive.32:00 – We return to the battle!– 10 Ten Forwards (AKA “Lunges” in the Alpha Quadrant)– 10 Chekov’s Cossack Squats – standing, spread legs, then slowly shift your weight to your right, straightening your left leg until it’s resting only on its heel with your toes pointed up. Return to Starfleet Straight then repeat, leaning toward the other direction. Rinse and repeat.– The Agony Booth – the ultimate torture chamber in the Mirror Universe (AKA the “Air Chair” in the Alpha Quadrant): hold as long as you can muster40:00 – We reach the final frontier! Before we started our final challenge, I asked the crew to name the fourth pillar of an F3 workout. After some mumbling, we finally arrived at “workouts led in rotating fashion by men with no training or certification necessary” (to which I replied, “Case and Point!”)– THE BORG SPHERE: unlike another unnamed sci-fi universe which primarily focuses on intense action and who shot first, Starfleet is primarily concerned with going where no one has gone before while expanding the realm of our minds. Our final task challenged both our bodies and our memories.The crew formed a circle, with the Q calling and doing 1 rep of one exercise (e.g., a Monkey Humper). The crew member to the immediate left was then Borged and had to do one Monkey Humper plus add and do one rep of one different exercise. The next crew member to the left was then Borged, had to do the rep of the first exercise, the rep of the second exercise, and then add and do one rep of one exercise of their choosing. This continued around the circle until all the crew had been Borged and the final crew member had to remember and do 1 rep of all the exercises which had led to him becoming Borged. At that point, we had become linked into one mind as a “Collective” and all crew mindlessly did three rounds of all 8 exercises together as a set. I cannot recall all the exercises which were called because being Borged, I had no mind or thoughts of my own.45:00 – A crew member mercifully called “TIME!”, but I think we encountered a time-bending worm hole along the way because we did not get to end with an Indian Run as planned. So I simply challenged the crew to name the fifth and final pillar of an F3 workout, to which they nearly all responded, “End in a Circle of Trust”, which is what we did.

COT:

Commander Kiddie issued forth a great Moment of Warp Speed by challenging the crew to be mindful that our attitudes can be the primary determinant of how we impact our environment and those around us – at home, at work, at play – for the good or for the bad… that our attitude and responses to those around us, if not positive, can keep us from attaining our first, best destiny… and that we must continually choose to engage all whom we encounter with a positive attitude.

We had a few announcements, shared a few prayer requests for physical healings, then formed a ball of man to pray for these matters and the other crew members who were not able to join us because of the challenges many of them are having to confront in their own lives in this season.

Naked-Man Moleskin:

By now, a distant star had begun to shine and the misty nebula had begun to lift, so we moseyed from Star Base back to Ten Forward where we took a crew photo and Janeway and her crew enjoyed some of the best black coffee and conversation to be had in all the known galaxy. We then went our various ways, more ready than ever to Engage!