Baby Beatdown

Preamble:

It’s been a while….

Warm-O-Rama:

I thought there might be a chance that I’d show up early to my first beatdown in a while…turns out I was wrong.

After a hearty and heart-warming welcome from the PAX (which I very much appreciated) we moseyed on over to the parking lot by the softball fields for a little warm up:

• 15 SSH
• 12 Hillbillies
• 10 weed pickers

The Thang:

So YCH had been gone for 3 months because we had a new baby, so I just wanted to give my fellow PAX a sampling of some of the activities that I’d been doing. I had set up different stations for the various new Dad activities I’d been performing.  So we all went and grabbed a “baby” (rock) and got to it!  Below were the various stations.

We moseyed back to the flag for a few minutes of Mary at the end.  Unfortunately, we weren’t able to get to Nacho Libre’s exercise.  Maybe next time.

Burp The Baby

You guessed it…burpees!

• 10 burpees with your baby. Make sure you lift your baby all the way up to get that air out of his stomach or he will spit up all over your nice clean clothes later.

Change The Diaper

You ever changed a baby?  Then you know newborns love to flail their legs

• 50 flutter kicks – Alpha count. And hold that baby up as far away from you as you can or else he might pee on you!

Get Him Out Of The Crib

Don’t you wish you were a baby?  You get like 4 naps a day and if you’re grumpy everyone just thinks, “he’s probably tired.”  But all those naps mean lots of getting him out of the crib.  Better lift with your legs and not your back!

• 50 squats with your baby

Clean The Spit Up

Doesn’t getting spit up on suck?  And you probably just changed into your nice church clothes, didn’t you?

• 20 Mr. Miyagis – Alpha Count. I think this is an actual exercise (if it’s not, give me a break, I’m out of practice).
  • Instructions – place the baby on the ground below your shoulders and plank above him. Wipe him with one arm and then the other.

Feed The Baby

Pro tip…measure your arms before you have a baby and then 6 months later.  With you carrying that baby around all day you might wake up one day and be swole.

• 30 bicep curls

Play Time!

Fatherhood isn’t all that bad.  In fact, some would say it’s pretty great!

• It’s playtime…do whatever exercise you want. But not for too long, babies have a short attention span.

Take The Baby For A Walk

Is your baby crying?  Might be a good idea to get him outside for a walk.  Let him see the sunshine, future trees to climb, and neighbors who inexplicably want to touch his cheeks

• Take as long (or as short) a walk down the sidewalk while Hail Mary-ing your baby (carrying him above your head)

Tummy Time

Any good doctor will tell you that tummy time is important to strengthen your baby’s neck and further his physical development.  Well, let’s further your tummy’s physical development.

• 100 LBCs with your baby in the air

Soothe the Baby

Is your baby crying again? One thing that’s sure to make him happy is to bounce with him.

• 20 jump squats with your baby

Diaper Run

I can’t believe you let us run out of diapers!!!!  You better get to the store and back as fast as you can!

• Put your baby down and run to the pavilion and back. Better hurry!
• 50 Monkey Humpers as punishment for letting the family run out of diapers.  I can’t believe you did that.

Bathroom Break!

Being a dad is hard, and sometimes you need a break from that baby…problem is, being a mom is even harder so you can’t just go off and take a little break whenever you want.  However, those savvy dads know that if you want to justify some time to yourself without the baby…there’s one safe space in the house.

• You can put that baby down. Take a break while you air toilet (air chair) for as long as you’d like

COT:

Stu is masterfully planning (and delegating) the upcoming convergence.

Naked-Man Moleskin:

I can’t believe how much I’d missed waking up way before the crack of dawn, sweating profusely, being body shamed by Hot Sauce, and doing merkens with my friends but I did.  Thank you for all the Slack messages (both public and private) checking in on me and my family during my absence.  It’s great to know I have a group of great men who care about me and I can go to if needed.

It was also great to see some new faces at The Norseman!  I can’t wait to get to know our new brothers better and bring some more in the future!